


Chasing Around

by Jellyfisher2



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Lucid Dreaming, M/M, POV Second Person, Trans Male Character, i guess?? its more like modern robin is dreaming about the events of awakening, trans robin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-18 23:52:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11885508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jellyfisher2/pseuds/Jellyfisher2
Summary: Dream don't have any intrinsic meanings. We, as humans, assign meanings and interpret them as we see fit. Still, it's hard to think that these movie like dreams mean nothing at all.





	1. Act 1

**Author's Note:**

> Talk about things getting away from ya, I only meant to write like 2K words, but look where we are! The rest will be posted tomorrow!  
> A few things, this is in second person, Robin's a transboy, and theres like 1 transphobic line u can skip.  
> Please enjoy! I ended up loving this story the more I wrote, haha.

You have a dream, not a nightmare, for once.

There's not much too it, just a man. You can't tell much about him. It's like a fuzz is surrounding him and the closer you look, the worse it gets. He isn't threatening. In fact, he's very comforting. You feel safe around him,  _ protected _ , like he cares deeply for you. There's also a strong scent in the air. It's rich and earthy, making you think of trees and mountains. It soothes every worry out of your body, lifts you up, and wraps around you so tightly that you wake up with your nose burning. During the day, you can still smell it.

The next night the man is back, still impossible to fully make out. But this time, you hear a beautiful, hearty, deep laugh that resonates in your very soul. The whole day at school, it rings in your ears.

The next night you can see the shape of the man, his height and build. He looks somewhat familiar, like an old friend you haven't seen ages.

That's how it goes. Every night you see more and more of this man. On the sixth day, you start keeping a journal, writing everything you can remember. You start sketching things as well, the tattoo on his arm, his weird blue and gold outfit, but not his face. You haven't seen it yet. That takes another few days. And when you do, you wake up with a racing heart. Knocking the journal over in excitement, you try to sketch it, but shaky fingers and tired eyes don't let you do it justice.

 

"You're looking good, Bubbles."

"I look good everyday." You put down the textbook, knowing you won't get any studying done with Gaius around.

He laughs. "I know that. I just mean, you look better. Less stressed."

"Thanks? I've been sleeping at night for once."

"Holy shit, hell froze over."

"Is that why it’s been so cold?" 

"Probably. Now we just gotta fix your sleep schedule."

"I don't wanna hear a  _ damn _ word from you. Last Tuesday, I watched you sleep all the way to five in the afternoon, get up to eat for an hour, and then go right back to bed."

"Tuesdays are just like that, I don't know what to tell you."

 

The dreams shift. Now, they're full scenes. Some things are still fuzzy, but you know what’s happening. The man, you still haven't learned his name, will talk to you about battle strategy. You can barely keep up. Cavalry units? Knights?  _ Mages? _ (What kind of fantasy world is this?) Whatever, you're just content listening to him talk. 

Another strange thing you notice is that there's a weight on your shoulders that you can't shake. Whether it's metaphorical or literal, you can't tell. You'd look in a mirror, but you have no control of these dreams. They’re like a movie you're watching in first person.

For the most part, the scenes are calm. There are a few fights, nothing too dramatic. Except for a brutal one. You're on a battlefield. You're wielding a sword and some electric magic, but that's not what has your attention. The giant spear hurtling towards your man does. You're running as fast as you can, a spell already in your hand-

_ BAM _ .

Your head throbs from where it hit the living room coffee table. Your sister's laughing off to the side. What time is it? When did you fall asleep?

"So, who's Chrom?" She's smirking, a familiar expression.

"What?" You ask, rubbing what no doubt will turn into a bruise.

"You were just yelling Chrom as loud as possible. The dream that good, eh?"

Your face heats up at the allegation. "That's not,  _ no _ ."

Aversa's still smirking. "Don't forget, Dad comes home tonight. So make sure everything's clean."

"You could help." She ignores you, going to her own room.

So, his name is Chrom. Yeah, that sounds right, natural. It's nice to finally put a name to the man you've been dreaming about for weeks. Though, it would've been nice to hear it from him than your smug sister. Who will probably tell your father you're dreaming of a man.

_ Damnit _ , you thought your father didn't come back for another week. You're not ready to deal with the added stress of him being around.

You take a breather, a moment to prepare mentally, before getting up to clean.

 

As anyone could've predicted, dinner was a disaster. Aversa throws you under the bus, telling your father about your dreams, about the journal you've kept, about how you "moaned" a man's name. You're fuming, but unfortunately, so is your father. He says a lot of things, but one hurts the most:  _ "Why do I let you pretend to be a boy if you're going to act like this." _ You've heard worse from him, a lot worse, but that has you shaking hours later. You throw out the journal, wondering why you even thought that was a good idea.

You miss your mom.

 

That night, your nightmares come back. They're mostly the same, only a few new additions, like rotting flesh monsters and faces bloodied by your hands. The absolute worst one, where you murder Chrom in cold blood, leaves you frozen in bed. You've never sprung up after a nightmare, like in tv or movies. No, you get worse option of being paralyzed with fear, unable to move or sometimes even breathe. You get to lay there, sweating and paranoid of every tiny movement and sound. Your muscles don't loosen until the sun peeks through the curtains.

It gets real tiring after a few days. You can't believe two weeks of good dreams have spoiled you like this. 

Of course, Gaius notices. He doesn't say anything out loud. Instead, he invited you to stay at his dorm. "Yeah, my roommate's gone for the week, so free bed."

"I don't know. It's weird to sleep in someone's bed. Especially when I've never met your roommate."

"Is it any worse than being in your dad's house?"

"Fair enough."

It takes a lot of convincing to get your father to let you stay with Gaius. He makes you promise it's purely for academics, that there will be no funny business or "dope smoking". You don't tell him you've done both with Gaius before. It was years ago, but he'd still beat your ass.

Gaius's dorm is still a hot mess. You'd tell him to clean it, but it's not like your room is any better. "How does your roommate put up with this?" Is what you ask instead.

"He, uh. Doesn't come by often."

It only takes a few seconds to piece it together. "You don't have a roommate, do you?"

"On paper, I do."

" _ What the hell. _ "

 

The next few nights you're show snippets, a clip show that tell you a story of a war with a neighboring country. You and Chrom lead this army, the Shepherds. You recognize many of them. Not that you could put a name to a face, but you still know them. They seem to adore you. You love them right back. They’re friends.

At the same time, you get another clip show of small moments between you and Chrom. Looks that linger a little too long, "accidental" brushes of hands, the way your dream heart races anytime he's near. It's clear that your dream self is in love with this man. (You might as well be too, but you won't let yourself go that far.) You figure the feeling are unreciprocated anyway, until one night.

You're in a tent, starting at a map you can't read. It's in a language you've never seen, but your dream self seems to know what he's doing. A throat clears with a tentative, "Robin? Are you busy?" It's Chrom.

"Yes, but please distract me." He smiles and walks in. He's in his sleep clothes and fiddling with something in his pocket. He's nervous. You try to make casual conversation, but the longer you both talk the more nervous he gets. Eventually you can’t hold back, "Chrom, is everything alright?" He sputters, coughs, and looks everywhere you aren't. (This guy leads an entire army?) You say his name again, his eyes snap to you. "What's wrong?" And then you're talking over eachother:

"N-nothing! I swear! I-"

"You can tell me anything-"

"It's really not that big of a deal-"

"You're my friend! I care about-"

"It can wait-"

"I'm here for you-"

"I'm in love with you."

Both dream you and real you are stunned into silence. Chrom continues, "I-I have been for a while now! Only, I didn't notice until recently. It just hit me, you know? And, I just had to tell you because you're the most important person in my life. You deserve to know something like this. I can't imagine- rather, I don't  _ want _ to imagine my life without you. And even if you don't feel the same, that's okay! All I hope is that you'll let me stand by your side still." He's so...quiet, reserved,  _ sincere _ .

Real life you wants to jump around and kiss Chrom senseless because  _ holy shit, he feels the same! _ But something is holding back dream you.

Chrom, shaking, pulls out a small box. "And if you'll have me. " He opens it to show a ring with the same symbol that's on his arm. "I was told to give this to the person I'd want to spend the rest of my life with." You can't tell if the racing heart is yours or your dream's. 

He looks up, with a tiny hope in his eyes. A hope that dies when your dream self says, "Chrom, we can't.” He looks just as upset as real you. "Not because I don't feel the same! Please, believe me, I do! But right now, we're at war. And you're our leader. It would be unfair to dedicate yourself to one man when you need to be dedicated to peace." You hold his hands, running a thumb over his knuckles. "But this war will end one day and we'll be free to chase our hearts."

It takes Chrom a good minute to fully understand your words. A gigantic grin takes over his face. "Truly?! You feel the same!"

You laugh. "You only hear what you want, don't you?" But his enthusiasm isn't curbed. There's more talking, but you're starting to wake up. The last thing you feel before becoming fully conscious is the weight of Chrom's lips on yours. 

You have a hard time thinking of anything else for the rest of the day.

 

The next dream is in stark contrast. It starts with someone falling. You know her, she's so important to you, to  _ everyone _ . Her name is on the tip of your tongue and refuses to leave there. That only adds to the crushing failure you feel. This woman is falling to her death and it's your fault.

You can't move at all. Real you wants to so bad, to run and try to catch her,  _ something _ , but dream you is stuck, paralyzed. 

_ Emmeryn _ . That's her name. She's Chrom sister, your Exalt, and is sacrificing herself for peace. 

You don't see her hit the ground. Not because you looked away or because you were too far away, but because Gaius is shaking you awake, "-obin, c'om!" He doesn't let go when you jerk back. "Jesus, what kind of nightmares are you having? I'd be shocked if the cops don't show up, you were screaming like someone was stabbing you!"

"I'm sorry." Is all you can say. Your mind is still stuck on the image of Emmeryn falling, unable to really process anything else.

"No, don't be. It's not like you want this either." He sits on the bed next to you, a snug fit. "Do, uh, you need to talk about it?"

Normally, you’d brush him off with sarcastic words. _ Trust me, this is nothing compared to living with you. _ But you don’t say that. Something about this dream has you somber. You want, no, need comfort. So, you tell Gaius everything. All the dreams you’ve had, it’s all laid bare. At some point, Gaius shifts off the bed onto the floor. You absent mindedly play with his hair, an old habit. You keep your voice down, trying not to disturb the neighbors any more than you already have.

"And you can't move or anything?"

"No, it's, it's like I'm on a track or something."

"Sounds like a memory. Maybe you're watching some dude's life play out."

"But it's  _ me _ . I'm in these dreams."

"Maybe it's a past life. Or you from a parallel universe."

“But, but I recognize most of the people. They go to school with us. If it’s a different universe, how are we all here together?”

“Maybe the friendships were so strong, we all reincarnated together.”

"Because that makes sense."

"What else could they be?"

"My subconscious got bored and found a new way to torture me?" You're slurring words being as tired as you are.

Gaius goes quiet. You start to wonder if he fell asleep when he asks, "Wait, what's the dude's name again?"

"Chrom?"

"I, hold on. I know that name." 

"Really?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I can't tell you from where but it's familiar." You have no idea what to do with this information. Chrom might be a real person? Not someone who lives in your dreams? And may possible be engaged to a alternate version of you? Could that happen? Or is it someone who just shares the name?

"Anyway, you should get some sleep, Robin." Gaius pats your knee. You make no comment on how he used your real name. Something you know he only does when he's worried. "Sleep tight, alright?"

"I'll do my best.

 

The only reason you know time is passing is because your favorite spot in the library is up against a ceiling to floor window. It's nice to look out when you need a quick break.

You haven’t stopped thinking about what Gaius said. The dreams being memories of an alternate you? In a weird way, it does make sense. The part about Chrom being real and how a massive amount of people got reincarnated together because of the power of friendship? Not so much. There’s no way.

You hold back a sigh and look out the window. The sunset is gorgeous. Rays of orange sunlight peak out from behind buildings, illuminating everything with a warm glow. You’re busy watching the sun dance on green leave when a head of dark blue hair walks by. Time stops. You know that color. _ It can’t be _ , you think, but you’re already at the door, yanking it open. Your heart is pounding. You search the outside to find nothing. You get some strange looks, but you don’t find your man. 

On the way back to grab your things, you try to hard to not be disappointed.

It doesn't work

 

“Am I in any of the dreams or is it just your boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“That’s right, fiancé.”

“Why do I tell you anything.” You say, ignoring the snickering, “But, yeah, you are. And you’re just as obnoxious and sugar obsessed as real life.” 

“Are we still friends?”

“Are we friends here?”

“Dude.”

“I’m kidding. Yeah, we’re friends. We still pull stupid stunts and fight well together. You have these cool daggers, but that’s the only cool thing you got. You’re still shady and you keep briding me to keep some secret. You even offered to go down on me to-”

“Did you take it?”

“What?”

“The offer. Did you let me?”

Heat rises in your cheeks, “You made this cool belt with jewels-”

“Answer the question, Bubbles.” He’s so smug you want to hit him.

“You-you still like to cook-”

“Why won’t you answer-”

“ _ Because when you tried, I got so embarrassed I threw up. _ ”

Gaius howls with laughter. 

 

You’re late for class. You’d blame Gaius for staying up all night playing video games, but you were right there playing with him. 

By the time you get there, you’re a good ten minutes late. It’s a good thing this teacher likes you. You hear laughter when you open the classroom door. Chrom’s laugh. You turn around to follow the sound when the teacher calls out, “Did you show up to leave again, Robin?” You flush and quietly take your seat. 

That’s how your days go, filled with moments where you catch glimpses of blue hair, or whiffs of cologne, or even his voice. But never him. 

“Am I going crazy?” You ask Gaius.

“Nah. You’re probably noticing things that have always been there, but now you know what to look for.”

 

The next few nights you dream of small moments you and Chrom share. Stolen kisses behind tents, fighting side by side, jokes shared beside a campfire. The moments lead up to a victory of the war. In the heat of the moment, Chrom proposes right there, making the engagement official. 

The next thing you know, you're at the wedding. Chrom has to be royalty because no normal man could afford all of this, the massive roses, the string quartet, your suit for god's sake costs more than your real life car. It looks like it, at least. But the best part is standing in front of you with an equally fancy suit and a smile so wide it has to hurt. Chrom looks so soft with love that you  _ melt _ . His hands are warm in yours. Sweaty, too, but so are yours. The priest is giving his speech. Chrom has to quickly wipe at his misting eyes.  _ What a sap. _

The speech gets closer to the end. You’re nearly bouncing on the balls of your feet, excited to start your life with your love.

"Do you, Prince Chrom of Ylisse, take Robin to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do." Your heart is so close to exploding from happiness.

"And do you, Robin-"

You interrupt, excited to be married already, "Yes, I do!" The crowd laughs.

"Then by the power invested in me, I pronounce you husband and husband." Chrom's beaming so brightly. "You may now-" You launch yourself at Chrom, taking his face in your hands and kissing him soundly. The crowd's cheering is deafening. 

It's a blur after that. You're greeting so many people, getting so many "Congratulations!" and well wishes, both from people you've never seen and from all the Shepherds. Most of whom are drunk or well on their way. They've earned a fun night. After the war with Peligia, all of Ylisse deserves a good night.

In a rare quiet moment, you manage to sneak out of the full courtyard to a side garden. And when you see it's taken by a pair of passionate lovers, you slip past the castle wall to a nearby lake. You sit down on the pier, watching the castle lights mix with the stars on the surface of the water. You can still hear the band play out here. It’s peaceful. 

You don't notice Chrom crouching next to you until he speaks, "I was wondering when you'd grow weary of all the people and have to leave." He sits down. "You lasted a lot longer than I expected. Maybe you are more prepared for the political parties than we thought."

"Maybe." Your hand finds his without thinking. "Did you follow me out here? This is pretty far from the castle."

"Well, when I went looking for you and saw the gardens were...taken, I figured you'd jump the walls. And I know you wouldn't go into town or the woods this late, and this is really the last place."

"Your deduction skills are incredibly arousing." 

He laughs, giving you a soft kiss. "I may have also seen you from upstairs."

"Now that’s more believable." 

You both sit in silence. You’ve discard your shoes to dip your sore feet into the lake. It's cool despite the heat of the air. You want nothing more than to soak in the nice water. Hold on. 

"Are you hot?" Chrom asks as you start taking off your suit.

"I don't want to ruin it." You say, starting start on the pants.

"What?" You're in your smallclothes, grinning as you leap into the lake. "Robin!" Chrom calls out in amusement and surprise.

"Get in here!" You beckon. "It feels amazing!" The water's not too deep. It's up to your chin, but your feet can still touch the ground. 

"What about the reception?" 

"If they're not drunk enough to notice us gone, they'll figure we've snuck off for sex, it's fine." Chrom blushes. He does take his suit off. You whistle, making Chrom blush even more. Gods above, he’s so adorable.

When he finally jumps in, you're on him immediately, wrestling him the best you can with the water slowing you down. Chrom's grabbing and trying to dunk your head underwater. You manage to get out and splash at him. He catches you easily, grabs you by the waist, and says, "Hold your breath!" dragging you both under. You come up squawking and giggling. Chrom's laughing, too, loud and brightly, like nothing’s ever hurt him.

After tiring each other out, you both end up floating on your backs, holding hands so you don't float away. Chrom's pointing out constellations. "See the green in the sky? See how the stars frame it? That one's called Naga' tail." 

"Naga's a dragon?" You stifle a yawn, worn out after all of today. 

"In some stories." Then, after a bit, Chrom says in a quiet, intimate voice, "I'm sorry we only get tomorrow to ourselves. I wish I could give you a real honeymoon."

"It's alright. It would be irresponsible for us to take off now."

"I know, but still."

"Once we establish peace, we'll take our honeymoon." Chrom's smiling. "You better take me somewhere nice. Like a beach or a hot spring."

"Of course. Only the best for my wonderful husband." Your cheeks heat up. "We've said it a lot today, but I love you, Robin."

"I love you, too."

"I do, I really do. You mean so much to me and you make life so much more interesting. I never dreamed I'd be floating in a lake on my wedding night, but we're here and I can't imagine it any other way. It's wonderful and so are you."

"I'm glad we're here, too, because you can't tell I'm crying." He’s still smiling as he leans in, kissing your cheek.

Then you're in bed. You must've drifted off after that and Chrom carried you back. You roll over, reaching an arm out to hold your new husband, only to hit a wall. Confused, you palm at the bed. It's all wrong, it's too small and isn't as soft and-

The realization dawns quickly.

_ That was all a dream _ . 

It had felt so  _ real _ , the humid air, the water lapping at you, the way Chrom's skin rubbed on yours. There was too many details for it to be fake.

You're crying, you notice when tears hit your hands. You rush to the bathroom before Gaius wakes up.


	2. Act 2

It's been over a week since you started sleeping at Gaius's dorm. There’s no way your father isn’t pissed, but you can’t bring yourself to care. Or rather, you won't let yourself think on it too long, distracting yourself with games or textbooks or even daydreams. Not of Chrom, not after the wedding dream. It all feels way too real now, too personal. You haven't even told Gaius about it. You don't know if you will, either.

Not that any of that matters now, as the teacher hands out tests, the last one before her finals. You're not a fan of tests and taking one in a lecture hall is the worst. There's too many people, too much background noise, it's hard to focus. Especially when a student wanders in late. They murmur not very quietly to the professor. You look up to see what asshole is disturbing your testing when your heart stops.

_Holy hell, that's him._

Butterflies burst in your stomach so violently they make you queasy.  He's too far away to make out specific details, but you know. You watch him take a seat up front, taking his own test.

You're shaking. He's real. Chrom's _real_ and he's _on this campus in your classroom_ . He's _so_ close. You're so thankful you already finished the test because there is no possible way you can focus now. Not when the literal man of your dreams is twenty feet away.

What will you say? What can you say? "I had a dream about you"? "Hey, we're married in my dreams"? "Hello"?? Who knows, but Chrom gets up to turn his test in and you follow suit. Nerves be damned, you can't miss this opportunity.

You're right behind him. He's wearing the same cologne. Words form on your tongue as you reach out to grab him. A strong arm grabs your outstretched one and yanks you away. It's your sister. You struggle to take your arm back. "Not right now, I've-" You twist to watch blue hair walk away.

"Dad wants you home."

"Okay! Just give me a minute!" Chrom's almost gone, but she won't go.

"No, he wants you home now. He's pissed off to high hell, so don't keep him waiting." She finally lets go. You don't say a word and take off where Chrom was going. You turn the corner to see an empty hallway with a thousand doors. It’s hard trying to not scream in frustration.

 

You’ll never understand your father, throwing a massive fit over a 98 in a class instead of a 100. Nevermind that you have the highest grade in the class. He rants and raves, blaming it on the usual things, Gaius is a bad influence, too much time on your phone, not enough discipline. You feel more like a delinquent child rather than a 24 year old college student.

For not the first nor last time, you miss your mom.

 

Of course, staying at your house now has you too stressed for anything other than nightmares to find you. You’re embarrassed to admit to all the times you’d wake up, reaching out for a man that isn’t there.

Your stress isn’t help by all the finals preparation. You would rather die than have to write another paper on anything ever. You know you’ll do well, but you still are tired of doing so much work. Granted, it feels like nothing compared to the work load your dream self has.

 _He’s just better than me,_ you think, not for the first time. He’s everything you’re not, smart, loyal, confident. Even if you were given a hundred years, you’d never measure up to him.

 

You stop sleeping at home, instead you nap during lunch or when you have an hour in between classes. You dream of a peaceful time, of holidays with bunny outfits, of boring meeting that Chrom quietly goofing with you make bearable, of the birth of your daughter. She’s so small and beautiful, you awake in happy tears. No one in the library seems to notice.

The good dreams go by too quickly and suddenly you’re on the cusp of another war. It’s buckwild. You relay the dreams to Gaius, the boat ride turned fire show, the sleeping dragon lady, children from a broken future. That last one hurt. You’ve only known Lucina for maybe a week and ‘Marth’ for a month. To see that’s your daughter and to understand what she’s been through absolutely destroyed your heart. You can’t pretend to imagine how dream you, her actual father who’s spent _years_ with her, felt.

And then you have more children, a set of twins that adore you in every way. They don’t have memories, but something tells you their future wasn’t any better than Lucina’s. One dream drives that point home.

You’re doing chores, washing dishes by yourself when the twins run up. They’re not an energetic as usual.  

“I’m almost done here, kiddos. Then we can talk strategy.” They don’t say anything. “Is everything alright?”

They look at each other. Then Morgan speaks up, “Papa, can we ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“What do the marks on our hands mean?”

“That’s the Mark of Naga, proof you’re-”

“No,” Marc interrupts, “the other one.” They hold up their hands to show a mark that gives dream you a visceral reaction of fear. You don’t fully understand, but you’ve seen enough scenes of dream you desperately trying to get rid of it to know it’s has to be something evil, something vile. You look down at your own mark, covered in bubbles from the soap.

“It’s, uh, it’s nothing.”

“Lucina has one, too!” _Does she really?_

“I, to be honest, I don’t know. I can’t remember anything about it.”

“Is it bad?” You’re thankful you don’t have to answer that. You also don’t hear the answer, waking up with drool down your chin.

It’s not long after, the Shepherds win the war. It’s bittersweet. You don’t feel good about it, like the things to follow are going to be much worse.

 

You’re enjoying a nice, quiet lunch with Gaius. It’s rare that he lets you silently read.

It didn’t last as he smacks the table and says a bit too loudly, “I _knew_ I knew Chrom!”

“Gaius! We’re in public, please.”

“Sorry, Bubbles. But I remember how I know him! Remember that one year in high school when I moved across town and had to change schools?”

“Yeah?”

“He was there, and we hung out a lot.”

“Are you kidding me? How are you just now remembering something like this?”

“Well, because I remembered he has a sister, and she’s right over there.” He points across the cafeteria to a blond girl you vaguely recognize. Alyssa? Lissa? She’s not in any of your classes.

“What about her?”

Gaius doesn’t answer. “Wait here.” He gets up.

“Are you trying to set me up?” You ask, but it’s no use. He’s already there, chatting with Lissa. She looks happy to see him, nodding along with whatever he’s saying.

When Gaius comes back, you say in a tired voice, “Please tell me you didn’t just set me up on a blind date.”

“I didn’t. But, uh, we’re throwing a party this Saturday. And I told her to invite her brother.”

“It’s Thursday. It’s Thursday and you want to throw a party in two days.”

“Hey man, no one said it would be easy to meet your Prince Charming.” You snort at the unexpected nickname.

 

Your father isn’t home on Saturday. What he’s doing, you don’t know or care. You’re just glad you don’t have to convince him to let you go. Your only worry is your sister snitching later. Oh well, hopefully you’ll be dead by then.

Gaius’s dorm is on the bottom floor and opens to an outdoor pavilion that’s surrounded by more dorms. It’s a popular party spot. You supply most of the booze since “It’s my father’s cash and fuck him.”

Normally, you don’t care for parties. You’re not a drinker and dealing with drunk people gets old quick. But right now, you’re excited. Your hands can’t stop shaking. You keep practicing what you want to say over and over in your head. You can’t mention the dreams, that’ll be weird. So, something more casual, a “Hi, fancy meeting you here.” kind of thing.

“I’d offer you a drink, but you’d shake it all out.” Gaius smirks, holding a drink with lollipops dunked in. “He’s not even here yet.”

“I know.” You say over the thumping music, and then add quieter, “Do you think he’ll show up at all? It’s already 12.”

“If he doesn’t he’s an idiot.” Gaius claps your back. “You know, you could always take the easy route and fall in love with me.”

“You have a boyfriend, how is that easier.” He shoves you. You laugh, some of the nerves fading.

It’s not long after when Lissa shows up on a girl’s arm. You know the girl’s face, but not her name. “Sorry we’re late!” Lissa says. “There was an issue back at the house.”

“‘S no problem.” Gaius says, just barely slurring his words. “Drinks are in my room and there’s a drawer for keys. Is it just you two?”

“Yeah, Chrom wanted to stay back and help. We had a pipe burst and it's too late for anyone to come over. He told us to go have fun.”

“I’m surprised Fredrick didn’t tell him to do the same.” Lissa’s girlfriend (Marie?? Annabell??) says.

“I know he will, but it’s so late I doubt he’ll come.”

You’re more disappointed than you want to admit.

“More for us!” Gaius says. When they walk off, Gaius hands you his drink.

“This tastes like you poured a full bag of sugar into it.”

“I did.”

“Why am I surprised.”

 

You’re not drunk. Rather, you don’t feel drunk. Sure, everything is looser and slower, but you’re not drunk. Tipsy, yes, you can admit to that. You only start to think you’ve drank too much when you trip, landing on your face. At that point, Gaius starts slipping you water. Which you pointedly switch for more booze since you bought it and you rarely drink. Though, you do accept the water when your vision starts to swim and fade black.

You’re talking to Lissa. You’re swapping stories, you telling her about when Gaius got stuck on your high school’s roof, Lissa telling you about her long running prank on Fredrick. She’s so friendly and nice, you don’t expect her to drop a frog down your shirt.

Once you get it out and hide away from her, you remember there’s music playing. By the time you realize what it is, you’re already singing along, loud enough that people are watching. Two drink ago, you would’ve been embarrassed, but you’re having too much fun to care. You don’t know when you started to dance, but people are hopping and hollering so you’ve gotta be doing something right. People get up and join you, dancing without a care.

At some point you must’ve passed out because you see Chrom. Possibly Chrom, your vision isn’t great at the moment. You saunter over, grab his hands, and pull him into a dance. You can hear his laugh ring out over the music. His smile is so clear against the blur of the night. His hands are burning on your waist. His face is soft under your fingers. You’re still singing along.

That moment lasted for an eternity. Part of you wanted it to never end, ever. The other part wanted him to kiss you there, to take you right there, and-

You wake up in a bed, head heavy and stomach churning. You sit up, groaning. A bottle of water is shoved at you. “Damn Bubbles. You can put on one hell of a show when you want to.” You drink the water slowly. “Still feel that bad?”

“Still?” Your voice is hoarse.

“You keep waking up and going back to sleep.” Sizzling drifts from the tiny glorified kitchen. You look over to see Gaius in his stupid apron that, in big letters, says, “Be sweet on me!”

“‘Sounds like a good idea.”

“Nope, I made pancakes, it’s time to eat.” He plates the pancakes. “So, I’m taking it you don’t remember much?”

“No, I remember most of the night.” You stretch, feeling very gross and very sticky. “It only starts to go towards the end. I think I passed out at one point because I dreamt Chrom was there. Sad, huh?” Gaius hands you a plate mid sentence. He makes a face when you mention Chrom. “What?”

“I, uh. Oh wait, I left the hot plate on-”

“Gaius?”

“I didn’t wanna say anything, Bubbles, but.” He scratches at the back of his head. “That was Chrom. He ended up coming after all.” Suddenly, you’re not hungry anymore. “When he got here, I tried to sober you up, but you were very adamant about staying drunk.” You stare into sickly sweet looking pancakes, trying desperately not to throw up. It’s upsetting, to say the least, that on your chance to meet Chrom, you pull something like this. His first impression of you is a _joke_! How can you face him now??

“You didn’t do anything weird to him, if you’re worried. Awkward face touching, yeah, but he looked into it.”

“Is he still here?” You ask quietly.

“No, he took Lissa and Marribell home.” You push pancake pieces around on the paper plate, cursing everything. “Whether you eat them or not, we’re even for the time I threw up on your dad.”

“I told you the look on his face was enough.”

 

“I’m losing it.”

“You haven’t already?”

“No really, I’m seeing Chrom everywhere now! I can’t take two steps on campus without seeing him!”

“Are you still avoiding him, it’s been a week, what the hell, Bubbles?”

“Stop judging me, you eat chips off the floor.”

“Because I’m not a coward.” You know he meant it as a joke, but that still stings. You _are_ a coward. You have one awkward drunk meeting and now you don’t want to see a man you've been dreaming about. You’re not brave, not like your other self, the one who’s leading an army against a dragon. Yes, you’ve seen him debilitated with anxiety, but his is real. He has lifes in his hands, he has a country and a family to protect. You? You have a schoolgirl crush and some daddy issues. That’s _nothing_ in comparison.

“There’s only a few days left in this semester, I don’t want you to miss this and regret it forever.”

“You were right, it would be easier to be in love with you.”

“No jokes here, Robin, You deserve someone good in your life-”

“But That’s the thing!” You’re pacing, too upset to sit. “I don’t know Chrom! All I know is what I see in these weird dreams that may or may not be memories from a alternate me! We don’t even know if that’s true!” You’re not shouting. Close, but you won’t yell at Gaius when all he wants to do is help. “Chrom could be a giant asshole, I don’t know! I’m not the same person! I’m not some mastermind with brilliant tactics that does amazing things! I’m just a college kid that can’t talk to his crush! He won’t-” like me. But you don’t say that. You bite at your nails instead, hoping Gaius doesn’t pick up on the last part.

He does, of course. You both know each other too well.

After you’ve calm down enough to stop pacing, Gaius speaks up, “I never did tell you about that year across town, did i?”

“I heard some stories, like the tattoo that guy gave you.”

“Did I tell you how I used to hang out with Chrom a lot.”

“No.”

“He’s a good guy. Sheltered, but he’s got a good heart. He asked me to ‘show him the world’ so I took him to that one seedy bar on 9th Street.”

“The one you almost got shot it?”

“The one with the weekly knife fights. But yeah, one broke out while we were there and he tried to play the hero.”

“Oh no.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, but he won. I can’t tell you how, but man, it was cool to watch.” Yeah, that sounds like him. “And Bubbles, you’re just as cool. Remember when I took you to the same bar and you talked five guys out of their knifes?”

“I’m still not sure how that plan worked.”

“But it did. What I’m trying to say is that you may not be the same people, but that’s okay. You’re still the best person I know. Probably the best person ever. And Chrom will see that.”

“You’re too nice to me.”

“You’re not nice enough to yourself.”

 

Third time wasn’t the charm. This war is incredibly hard on everyone. You almost want the old nightmares back. So much of it leaves real you paralyzed, watching your father control you to steal the Fire Emblem, seeing an impossibly massive dragon be resurrected, being told your soul is the dragon’s. One that shakes you so bad you can’t fall asleep after is when Lucina tries to kill you.

You’re heartbroken and so is she, you can see it on her face despite her best attempts to show no emotion. Her sword shines in the sunset, drawing a lump in your throat. You can bring yourself to argue when there’s so much proof you will kill Chrom. You can’t take that risk. Then she says, “If you hold any love for father, you’ll let me!” And fuck, she’s got you. You love Chrom so much. So much that one heart can’t hold it all and it spills into alternate versions of you.

You take a long pause, trying to think through the different possibilities, but doubt and a very low self esteem cloud your better judgement. “...do what you must. I don’t want to hurt Chrom or you or the twins. My...my life is yours. It always has been.”

“P-Papa, please don’t make this harder.”

“I love you, Lucina. My only regret is I couldn’t give you the future you deserve.”

She’s crying, bordering on sobbing.

What a god awful situation this is. Real you can see how utterly horrible it is being on the outside. Seeing a daughter trying to kill her own father is bad, but having that father ask her to do it is even worse. You understand wanting to be dead, but there has to be a better way than getting your own child to do it. She doesn’t even want to! You can see it in how her whole body trembles, in her tear filled eyes. She wants you to fight for her sake, for her family’s sake. She wants to have a family. But dream you is too blinded by his own self hatred to notice.

“I-I-” Her resolve breaks, her sword tumbling to the ground. She’s bawling, and you can clearly see her for who she is. A scared child who’s lost too much.

You hold her close. She grips your big overcoat tightly, sobbing into your shirt.

Chrom comes in. It’s clear he had some big statement about trust prepared, but even he knows now isn’t the time.

“F-forgive me, Papa.”

“There’s nothing to forgive.”

 

“I’m only a thousand words away from finishing this essay, you better have a damn good reason for interrupting me.”

“I talked to Chrom today.”

“Alright, that’s a good reason.”

“He went looking for me to ask about you.”

“He-what?”

“Bubbles, he really wants to meet you again.”

“I...” Words die on your tongue. You want to say no, you shouldn’t you’ll just embarrass yourself like at the party. But, that’s the self doubt talking, isn’t it? Chrom’s going out of his way to meet you again.

You can do this.

“Are you going to throw another party or are you setting me up?”

 

You’re a dragon. You share the soul of an evil dragon that’s murdered millions. You can’t imagine the full shame and guilt dream you is carrying. It’s enough for him to isolate himself from the rest of the Shepherds, hiding from what he thinks are judging eyes. You know they just want to help, to be there for him, but again he’s blinded by his own mind.

Then, you’re speaking to a goddess, who says to permanently kill the dragon, you have to do it yourself. You’ll die with him, but the future will be saved. A deal you’d be an idiot to pass up.

Chrom hates that plan. He stubbornly refuses to budge. “Robin, you can’t do this! We’ll find another way!”

“There is no other way, can’t you see that?!” The goddess tries to speak, but the dam broke. You’re yelling, “I have to do this! You just said it yourself, we have to break this cycle! Grima can’t keep coming back, we can’t keep giving him the opportunity to ruin everything! I can do that! I can stop him forever!”

“But-”

 _“Look me in the eye_ s and tell me you wouldn’t be pissed if you learned a thousand years ago if they had the same chance and didn’t take it! We can’t be selfish here! We can’t pretend one life means _anything_ in the face of millions! We have to stop this!”

“If I stop him here, the people in the future can-”

“BUT YOU COULDN’T! We couldn’t! We had to break our children’s future and have them come back to save ours! Tell me that’s fair! Tell me it’s fair or just to throw this burden on someone else!!” Tears flow freely, but you’re not done. “I know what I’m giving up here! I won’t get to see baby Lucina or the twins grow up! I won’t get to see all the other kids be born! I’ll miss birthdays and holidays and weddings and I-” Your voice cracks, “I don’t want to do this! I want a happily ever after! But I can’t take mine when it dooms the future!” Chrom’s crying. You hear more people sniffling, suddenly remember you two weren’t alone.

Chrom rushes forward, crushing you in a hug. You bury your face in his chest to hide most of your sobbing. You feel more arms hug both of you. It’s Lissa, who’s crying as hard. More and more Shepherds join the hug until you can barely breathe. But you don’t care. Being here, surrounded by your friends, your _family_ , is enough.

Before you wake up, you hear Chrom whisper, “I’ll find you, after all this. Naga said that if our bonds are strong enough, you’d return to us. I know you will.”

 

Between finals and your father riding your ass, you don’t have time to meet Chrom again. Gaius relayed the message you’re too busy. He understood. It still felt like torture to tell him no. Though, watching dream Chrom’s face twist to despair when you sacrifice yourself blows that out of the water.

 

The last day of school comes and goes. You help Gaius move all his things into his beaten up car, telling him about your last dream.

“You are the self sacrificing type.”

“Hey, I get to save the world and die. It’s a win win.”

“Sounds like it.” Gaius gets into the driver seat. “You comin’ to dinner with me and Junior?”

“Yeah, I’ll meet you guys there.”

“Don’t take too long.” He drives off. You walk around the campus, thoughts of Chrom, of your final moments.

 _“May we meet in a better life.”_ You told him.

Is this the better life? Did you not return? No, you must’ve. You felt the bond you shared, you _belonged_ with the Shepherds. Then, why have those dreams? Why now? Who could even answer that? Is this truly a better life than that one? Yes, you’re not an evil dragon (that you know of) but the world doesn’t feel any better. Worse, if anything. So how-

You’re so wrapped up in questions that you don’t hear someone calling your name. You only stop when they grab your hand. You whip around, insults ready on your tongue. You say none of them, too stunned to move.

It’s Chrom.

It’s him. He looks so much younger than your last dream, he doesn’t have any scars, and his roots are showing but it’s him. His eyes twinkle with a happiness that’s dancing in your heart. His smile looks so much better in person.

Neither of you speak. It’s like you're both scared of breaking this moment to find out it’s fake. You don’t know how to react at all.

Chrom finally speaks, his voice music to your ears, “I had a dream about you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im actually very proud of this story and how it turned out. i do feel like i couldve done more with the concept, but then it wouldve turned into a monster i dont want to deal with.  
> anyway, thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> can, can you see my robin/gaius bias.


End file.
